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*Dr. Robert Arthur Trembley, Thanks Bob!!!
The name of this disease is Anorexia Nervosa.
What began as a strict diet, became an obsession.
I am not a psychiatrist, BUT I AM AN EXPERT when it comes to eating disorders.
My experiences have taught me ... I have lived it.
In Dec. 1992 back problems caused my doctor to tell me "lose weight". I determined that I would. In Jan. I came down with a flu. Sick two weeks, I couldn't eat. I LOST WEIGHT! Later in Jan. one night we had pizza. I ate, then felt sick. I went to the bathroom and threw-up. Next day, I weighed even less!
This was the beginning. I made myself purge if I over ate. Soon overeating was a half a piece of dry toast. I would dance excessively, three to four hours every night. I couldn't sleep, and I wore sunglasses whenever I left the house ... which was getting harder to leave.
Everyone thought I was on a diet, including me. One night feeling hungry I went to the frig, But I couldn't get myself to eat! It was then that I admitted to myself that I had a problem.
But it didn't change what I was doing to my body. I went four months without eating. I lost eighty-one pounds.
In July of 92' my Doctor's office called and told me my Doctor wanted to see me that day at 4:00 p.m. An excellent Doctor, I knew he wasn't hard up business. Someone had talked to him.
I went to his office that day, with sunglasses on. I denied the Anorexia, but he knew better, and insisted that I see him every week to get weighed, and to talk. A month later I was able to drink one slimfast a day. Gradually with his prodding, I was able to re-introduce solid food.
I AM GLAD TO SAY THAT NOW THE NEWS OF THIS DISEASE IS GETTING AROUND. Doctors are learning more and more.
Somewhere I lost the control, the eating disorder controled me. AND I'VE LOST MORE THAN JUST CONTROL.
I have lost my church... and most of my friends.
People that choose not to understand. The people in the small town I live in have talked behind my back, and I almost lost my family.
But I am one of the lucky ones! I had a supportive husband and Doctor that both cared enough to hold on to me so I wouldn't go over the edge I feared.
Understanding me with his "dime store psychology" The fact that my Doctor knew me before I was ill helped. He got me through some real bad times. Doc Bob listened to tapes of JM's music that I would bring to him. He let me explain my feelings and thoughts about them.
There is a part of me that wants to get well. But part of me is afraid to give up what has been a part of my life for so long now.
I have always loved music and dancing. At the worst part of my illness, JOHN MELLENCAMP'S MUSIC was the way I coped.
Sorting out feelings never dealt with before. The songs were my friends. A source of comfort, an outlet for some very deep feelings. They still are.
It's been long for those who care about me. It has affected my whole family. They have all suffered.
In past days... I would get scared when I saw blood, or when I'd feel light-headed, and faint. My heart would pound, and I'd have pains in my chest.
The reality that I could die from this is still with me.
Recovery is slow. The obsession in my head never leaves me alone.
I was in L.A. at the Rader Institute for Eating Disorders May 1996. I am still fighting for my recovery. Anorexia Nervosa/purging type, has a strong hold on me.
JOHN MELLENCAMP'S MUSIC wasn't the "right kind" of music for my church or my friends. But his songs were right for me. Always there, always helping me, to this day.
If you have an eating disorder, There is help. Don't let it rob you of your life. Get into therapy. Find your way to deal with your feelings.
BECAUSE IT'S YOUR FEELINGS,
NOT YOUR FOOD.
Then what is needed is what I got from my husband, and my Doctor. SUPPORT, PATIENCE AND A REAL EFFORT TO UNDERSTAND.
I am a board member of V.P.S.(Vermont Psychiatric Survivors). I also am a contact person for Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders ( ANAD ). A national non-profit organization.
Eating disorders have mostly been associated with young women. But there are many middle-aged women and men who suffer. Anorexia, Bulimia and Binge eating are all forms of eating disorders. The same merry-go-round, just a different horse.
ANOREXIA NERVOSA, IT'S BEEN CALLED A SLOW SUICIDE.
MORE PEOPLE DIE FROM EATING DISORDERS THAN ANY OTHER FORM OF MENTAL ILLNESS.
Once JM's MUSIC was my only friend. NOW because of JM's music, I am better, AND I have lots of net friends, I call Sistah!
Thank you Doc Bob, I hope you are enjoying your tape.
"The Best That I Could Do" ;-)
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